Ten Things

12.10.2009

 

  1. I led a charmed life.
  2. And then I didn’t.
  3. And now I don’t believe in charmed, but I most certainly believe in life.
  4. For five years I did not want my body.
  5. For two years I have tried to accept my imperfect body.
  6. Sometimes it still hurts.
  7. And yet I don’t want another body.
  8. Without this body my son would not be my son.
  9. Without this body my life would not be my life.
  10. Ten things.  And more.

                                                           

This is a combination post for the Half-Drunk Challenge at Momalom, and the Sugar Doll award given by Goldfish. 

 

10 Comments

  1. I have no words. Because I know. Even when I don’t. When I so obviously don’t. And all I can do is imagine. And wonder. And feel lucky. For my own life, charmed or not.

    For many years I was lost. And then I did the finding. Of a person who once was. And I came to know her again. And then everything changed. Because life shifts. And we go up and down with it. Flowing back and forth in happy and sad, strong and broken.

    In a different way I can tell you that I know. What it is. To want to destroy your own body. And take over another. In a much different way.

    I have no words. But even then I find them. As have you.

    Thank you, Ali.

    • It was so hard to go down with this life shift. I closed my eyes and held my breath through most of it. It has been hard for me to learn to accept what is my life, not what I thought was supposed to be my life. Does that make sense?

      And now, I will go back to your blog and read. And read. And read.

      • It makes me smile (okay, and maybe cry) to read your words, Ali. You are doing it. I knew you could.

      • Yes it makes sense. Absolute and perfect sense. My life took many many turns. Took me to places that I never thought I would or should go. My life is not as I thought it was supposed to be at all. I thought I would marry a different kind of man. I thought I would live in a different sort of town. I was too naive to ever truly imagine children. And then, when my life took the turn toward motherhood, I was too young to understand it all.

        And now. Here I am. And my life is as it is supposed to be.

        As is yours. And your body. And the gifts we were given by way of those we weren’t.

        Keep writing.

  2. Your body is perfect in its imperfection. Your son is perfect. Your family is perfect. So is this post. So is your courage.

  3. You say a lot in a few words. I like that. It is very difficult to do. Thank you.

  4. Wow! Thank you for sharing!!

  5. Ali, I just found your blog and this is such a powerful introduction to your personal history. And, like Jen, I admire the brevity of it. Whenever I try to speak from the heart, I always end up rambling. Like now, for instance. Thank you for sharing this post.

    • While not 1/2 drunk, I was 1/2 asleep when I wrote this. Maybe the imperative of rest made me uncharacteristically brief?

      I look forward to reading your entry. My sister has been singing your praises.

  6. I feel like everyone is taking the words right out of my mouth. Love this. Love it love it love it.

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