Here she is…

For a week we have stared and stared at this beautiful face wanting to share her with everyone we know.  Yesterday we turned in our final paperwork.  Right now those papers are flying over to Korea.  And we have this picture.  It is impossible to describe how much I have stared into her eyes in the last week.  How I have smiled at her lips and nose and eyebrows.  How I have marveled at her perfection.  How I have desired to hold her and let her know how much we already love her.  This picture is our connection to our daughter right now.  And there are not words to describe our happiness.

2:55 am, last night

“MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

We were in the middle of a thunderstorm and there had just been a decent sized crash of thunder.  Jaden is recently afraid of thunderstorms.  I am not quite sure how that fear manifested, but it is alive and well.  I stumbled into his room and picked him up.  He was sobbing.

“All done, naing (rain),” he said over and over again.  And then he broke out the big guns:

“Daddeeeee!  Daddy, home,” sobbing.

Dustin is gone for three days.  Three days in the midst of a time where I’m having minor panic attacks ~every thirty minutes.  Jaden is scared of storms.  Me?  I’m afraid of paperwork. 

The adoption process from Korea has changed significantly in the past two years.  While we are over-the-moon excited about being matched with our daughter (pictures are forthcoming as soon as the final papers are signed!), it is also bittersweet.  After we were matched with Jaden we waited ten weeks to travel.  This time our estimated time to travel is 11 months.  I wrote about this back in May.  Luckily I’ve had time to come to terms with this difference.  Thankfully the change occurred before we were in this stage of our wait.  Hopefully the estimate does not get any longer. 

The only control we have over our wait time right now is related to our acceptance paperwork.  It has been overnighted to us and should arrive this morning.  I will spend the next two days sifting through it and getting everything ready for when Dustin walks in the door.  We will get all of the papers notarized and then overnight it back to our agency.  Then, and only then, will we get logged into the Korea program.  That is when the countdown clock starts ticking.

Jaden was comforted within a matter of minutes.  He immediately fell back asleep, but I rocked him a little longer than I would have normally.  I know I was there to take away his fears, but I think he does the same for me.  The adoption process can be so scary, but my son is a constant reality check this time around.  He reminds me that he was worth every worry, stress and doubt about the process.

7:15 am, this morning

Not a peep from Jaden yet.  Nice.  He is usually up before 7.  Maybe it should storm more often?

I was reaching the end of my “I can wait” rope.  I was tiring of saying “we are expecting a referral soon”. I was exhausted from thinking about a little baby, our child, born in the world but yet unknown to us.  It was overwhelming me.  I was having trouble concentrating on daily activities.  I checked the caller ID on our phone with such hope, secretly hoping for the past four weeks or so that it would be my adoption agency. 

And on Thursday, it was.

We have a daughter.  She lives a half a world away right now.  But through whatever forces you choose to believe in, we have been matched together.  It is too much.  My heart is still racing.  My fingers still shaking.  My mind still absorbing this news. 

We have a daughter. 

A friend asked me today if it as exciting the second time around.  And it is.  And it is more scary because I know now about how hard it can be to parent.  And it is more exhilarating because I know how much joy and love a child brings to our lives.  And it is more miraculous because of the instant spot she has taken in my heart. 

She is already there, and she fits perfectly.

We did a fly by of the county fair this morning.  We were not 100% committed to going this year, as it has been about a billion degrees out recently.  But, today’s weather is ever-so-slightly more humane.  We gave it an hour of our best fair-going energy.  Here’s what we found we could pack into that limited amount of time.

You can feed some deer,

some goats,

and a llama.

You can eat mini-donuts and drink milk (not pictured as I was stuffing my face too).

You can make a really cool toy with your dad, and use the hammer all by yourself.  (Dustin’s face exudes confidence in Jaden’s hammering skills, right?)

You can show off your final product.

And you can pretend to drive about 43 motorized vehicles. 

Soon after posing for this photo Jaden was running between the tractors with his head going one way and his body another.  He splatted straight into a mud pit, which was pretty awesome.  We left soon after, practicing a lot of self control by not getting a corn dog on the way out.  Jaden is now fast asleep.  That was a pretty productive hour.

Since June Jaden has been a talking machine.  I learned another parenting lesson, as I had spent entirely too much time worrying about his lack of speech development before that point.  He has the sweetest little toddler voice — at times I don’t think he could be any cuter when he talks.  He always whispers/sings “good nigh-nigh” to me when I put him to bed.  It melts me.  Here are some of my favorite words Jaden says right now. 

• wah-bah = light.  This one isn’t even in the phonetic ball park which cracks me up.  Most of his toddlerism are logical.  This one is not.
• toe-toe = toast
• eeeee = egg
• worm = our friend Warren
• worm = worm
• bwang = blanket
• uh-uh          _ = no to whatever has been offered.  For example:  “Jaden do you want some cucumber?” “Uh-uh cue-cum.”
• cue-cum = cucumber
• boo-bear = blueberry
• gape = grape
• tape = table
• toe-may = tomato
• pea-buh = peanut butter
• pea-buh = butter
• dipe (rhymes with wipe) = diaper
• chain dipe = change diaper
• bih kid = big kid, used in reference to anything he’s been told not to do on a play structure because of a danger factor
• own mommy-daddy-tuh = only mommy and daddy touch ___.   (grills, stovetops, bath faucets, daddy’s new TV…)
• MON – TRUH = monster truck.  Always shouted with a great pause between syllables.
• woo-woo truh = fire truck
• pea car = police car
• tree! = treat.  As in the cinnamon-apple-chunk French Toast we made on Sunday morning.
• bra-tobu = broccoli tofu.  One of  Jaden’s favorite meals.  But his very favorite food is a chip of any kind.
• choowup = chip
• doowup = dip
• granpa = grandpa
• granpa = grandma
• ba = Dustin’s dad
• turn-corn-more = turn the corner

And my all-time favorite…

• wah pea = water please

I want to bottle his words up right now to keep forever.

Jaden is a cheap date. 

This morning we met one of my good friends and his two children (ages 5 and 3) at a cell phone parking lot near the airport.  We sat in our cars with the windows down and watched planes take off right in front of us.  There was a lot of excitement with each plane arrival and departure.  But is was raining and the seats were getting wet.  So we made the executive decision to go to the mall nearby and jump on the light rail train.  En route to the train we went on an elevator and an escalator.  Both were very popular.

The train ride was less than $2 total.  Jaden and his friends were mesmerized for the first twenty minutes.  Jaden clapped when we would exit out of tunnels.  They all loved it.  When they started to show signs of hangriness (hunger + anger) we got off the train and took the return line back to the mall.  That was it.  It really doesn’t take much.

I guarantee you that Jaden will talk about these events for days. Over a week ago we went for a boat ride and he still talks about everything that happened on that trip daily hourly. 

The transportation obsession continues.  In Jaden’s mind this morning was equivalent to a Disneyworld adventure, albeit a whole lot less expensive.  I’ll take it as long as it lasts.

The train set in the picture was lent to us for a couple of weeks by some very generous neighbors.  I pretty much didn’t have to parent while we had it in our house.  It was a toss-up between Jaden and I as to who was more upset when we returned it.

Today a fly got in the car just before Jaden and I left for a long-ish trip.  Jaden started loudly saying “Shoo Fwhy” about a million times.  My reaction?  I put down the windows and let the fly/fwhy out the window.  I was about to give myself bonus points for trouble shooting while driving when the tears began to fall in the backseat.  Jaden began sobbing and screaming and crying for the “fwhy” to come back.  He was SO upset that it went out the window.  He cried for over 30 minutes about that blessed creature. 

There is little that grates on my nerves like a crying/screaming child in a car.  Especially when I am alone.  My go-go gadget arms filled with trucks, toys and Cheerios were no match for the pain caused by the missing fly.  By the time we got to our destination, I wanted to press the eject button for one or both of us.  We had been driving to pick up my nephew so we could go to the zoo together.  And when Jaden saw his cousin?  Peals of laughter and glee.  The only sign of the trauma he had inflicted on both of us were the tear stains on his cheeks.  I just shook my head.  I should have left the fly in the car.  The mythical poop would have been a fair trade.

I’m going to have to tell Dustin to cool it with his declared war on the flies.  I think he has inadvertantly created a fly activist.

Summer has been good to us.  We are outside more than we are in, and that does the mind and body good.  All summer we have been playing with water, in particular, in various ways.  These photos are from back in May when we first got the sprinkler out.  When people say to look at the world with the wonder of a child, I am pretty sure they are talking about times like these.

Aside from sprinklers, plastic pools, and spontaneous hose wars, we have even gone to local beaches.  Jaden loves digging in the muck (these are lake beaches) along the shoreline, but absolutely refuses to step in the sand if it isn’t covered by water.  Twice now we have had to haul him through the beach area to the water where he has played happily for over an hour.  Twice we have had to then pick him up and unload him onto the nearest non-sandy beach area.  This does not shock me, as Jaden thinks going barefoot in the grass is tantamount to torture.  I’m surprised he walks on the carpet without shoes on.  People have told me this changes in kids.  Should I believe them? 

Regardless, summer is outstanding.  We will continue our outdoor adventures, with our shoes on, until the weather prohibits us.  Which, knowing this state we have chosen to call home, will probably be in a couple of weeks.

I am posting this so that when I am old I can remember this story. 

This morning I walked into Jaden’s room when he woke up.  We proceeded to have the following conversation.

Me:  Good morning!
Jaden:  Dah-dee?
Me:  Daddy’s at work.  He had to get on an airplane this morning.
Jaden:  Dah-dee?  (With tears welling in his eyes.)
Me:  Honey, Daddy isn’t here.  He had to get on an airplane.
Jaden:  Bup-bup.  (Up.  Get up.)

He then rushed into the guest bedroom and over to the closet where we keep our suitcases.  He pointed directly to the one that Dustin always takes on trips.  He was obviously confused.

Jaden:  “Dah-dee. Bag.”
Me:  “Yup.  Daddy took a different bag this morning.”

Jaden then dug through and got his suitcase out of the bunch.  His is the one that kind of looks like the picture above — super cute with “Going to Grandma’s” written on the outside.  He very matter-of-factly wheeled it into my bedroom and put it down.  He looked directly at me and said, “Pack, Mommy.”

I guess he really wanted to get on the plane with Dustin.

Later in the morning we were outside and he heard an airplane above.  (Sidenote:  Do all kids have an uncanny radar for airplanes and garbage trucks?  It is a little bit scary to be honest.)  We hadn’t said a word about Dustin since our pre-breakfast conversation.  Jaden looked up and said one word:

“Dah-dee.”

My only conclusions can be that Jaden thinks the proper exit from the house for a trip is with one’s suitcase in hand AND that all Dustin does when he is gone for a few nights is fly on an airplane (any airplane) all day.  I adore the mind of a two-year-old.

I am pilfering this format from my friend at Seoul Searching.  She inspires me in many ways, and has given me the imepetus to finally post about something I knitted.

In February I started a baby blanket for our little girl.  At that point I was expecting to receive a referral around September, and to travel sometime in the winter.  I wanted the blanket ready to send over to Korea with our one-gallon bag.  I worked on it on and off as I tend to do with knitting projects.  At the beginning of May I put it in the back of the closet after receiving news about the HUGE delays in our adoption program.  However, two weeks ago I took a deep breath and pulled it back out.  I’ve spent a few afternoons recently knitting with a friend.  It is such a cathartic experience to knit and chat with a good friend for a couple of hours.  Cliché?  Probably, but still true.  So, without further delay, here it is.

Project Name: Baby Blanket
Pattern Name: Building Blocks Blanket (from the Plymouth Yarn book The Encore 8-Hour Baby Blanket…Revisted).  Sidenote:  I’ve made 4 of these blankets so far, and they take me much longer than 8 hours each.  Go figure. 
Made For: Our daughter
Size: 28 x 32 inches
Needle Size: 24″ circular size US 13
Yarn: Berroco Comfort (Worsted Weight)
Colorway: 9701
Color Family: Pink, pink, PINK
How much yarn: 4 skeins
Start Date: Sometime in February
Finish Date: 6/23/2010